Growing up, I wanted nothing
more than to be like my mom and dad. I wanted to get married and have
kids just like they did. I wanted to know Jesus just like they did. I
even wanted to be a teacher just like my dad. When you love someone
and look up to them, you often wind up wanting to be just like them.
And that's what Paul says in the following:
"Watch what God does,
and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from
their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with
him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love
was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get
something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like
that." (Ephesians 5:1-2)
As I read through those
verses again, I can feel my heart nodding along. Yes. Let's do this.
Let's be this as a community. Let's love others the way God intended.
That word "extravagant" stands out to me in these verses.
Because I am not extravagant. I am cautious. Almost always. When I
drive, my family says I am like an old lady leaning forward and
driving slowly with both hands on the wheel. I am always watching for
others to do something they shouldn't do. I'm waiting for cars to fly
through stop signs and red lights. I even have the glasses to go with
that image.
Just like I approach my
driving with great caution each and every time, I approach my
relationships that way too. And I have great excuses. I have been
hurt by men and women alike- the women were actually worse if you ask
me- but God is still asking me to throw caution to the wind and show
extravagant love to everyone in my life and that's tough for me. Is
it hard for anyone else? When you think on the relationships you have
with people, do you feel like you are cautious in how you act and
what you say or are you extravagant? Is it different depending on who
you think about? I know I am more extravagant with my husband, my
kids, my mom, and my best friend. I am far more cautious with those
friends that I don't know well yet.
And what I absolutely love
and appreciate about this chapter in Ephesians is that Paul doesn't
just say these things and then finish with "good luck!" No,
he goes ahead and describes some of the main pieces of this puzzle.
Let's look:
"Don’t allow love to
turn into lust, setting off a downhill slide into sexual promiscuity,
filthy practices, or bullying greed. Though some tongues just love
the taste of gossip, those who follow Jesus have better uses for
language than that. Don’t talk dirty or silly. That kind of talk
doesn’t fit our style. Thanksgiving is our dialect."
(Ephesians 5:3-4)
When I read these verses, I
can't help but think of the toddler advice we are always spewing when
our kids are young. "Keep all your body parts to yourself. No
hitting or pinching or biting." And not just that one but also
the one about our words. "Use your words kindly. Your words
matter and can hurt people." Paul made it more adult, but that's
essentially what he is saying here, right? Make sure you are using
the right kind of love to love others well. Don't be talking badly
about people or being inappropriate. If you want to talk, be
thankful. Use positive words.
And then there's this
addition:
"You can be sure that
using people or religion or things just for what you can get out of
them—the usual variations on idolatry—will get you nowhere, and
certainly nowhere near the kingdom of Christ, the kingdom of God."
(Ephesians 5:5)
It's interesting to me that
we still struggle with this one today nearly 2,000 years later. So
many relationships center around "what can I get out of this?"
rather than "how can I love you well and show you that you
matter to Jesus?" Can you imagine how wonderful our
relationships would be with others if this was how we approached them
every time? Jesus came to the earth, not to be crowned king and
worshiped or served, but to serve others. God sent his son, a piece
of himself, to earth for US. Paul called us to imitate God in the
first two verses. Doesn't it stand to reason that one of the best
ways we can begin to do that for others in our lives is by practicing
serving them? I know I struggle with this one still. Anyone else?
"Don’t let yourselves
get taken in by religious smooth talk. God gets furious with people
who are full of religious sales talk but want nothing to do with him.
Don’t even hang around people like that." (Ephesians 5:6-7)
Sometimes we just say the
"right things" without really meaning them. At least, I
hope we all do that and I'm not the only one guilty of it. But Paul
is telling us here in black and white that God doesn't like it. Don't
just say the "right things." Say the things you mean.
Sometimes the things that you mean aren't pretty and that's okay.
That's called being real in a relationship and it creates better
community together when we are honest with each other not just
"giving the answer everyone wants to hear."
"How are you?"
*insert obligatory smile here and possibly a slight nod as you
continue walking*
"I'm fine, you?"
*Even though she is actually dying inside.*
What would happen if you
actually MEANT that question? What would happen if you stopped in
your tracks and truly looked that person in the eye and wanted to
know how they were really doing? And what's more, what would happen
if the other person trusted you enough to know that you really did
want to know and that you'd help carry their burden?
Community. That's what would
happen. Extravagant love like God's calling us to. That's what would
happen. When we share our burdens with one another, we are real. We
are people just like anyone else with troubles, problems, sins, and
flaws.
"You groped your way
through that murk once, but no longer. You’re out in the open now.
The bright light of Christ makes your way plain. So no more stumbling
around. Get on with it! The good, the right, the true—these are the
actions appropriate for daylight hours. Figure out what will please
Christ, and then do it." (Ephesians 5:8-10)
Paul goes on to tell us that
when we bring everything out into the light, all that darkness loses
some of its power. Darkness cannot exist in the light. Step into the
light and let God guide your steps. Get together with other believers
and do community well with them. Share your burdens and serve one
another. God created us to be in loving community together.
I'm going to end this post
with these two verses one last time. This is how we are called to
live. Let's live it out:
"Watch what God does,
and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from
their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with
him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love
was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get
something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like
that." (Ephesians 5:1-2)
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