"And further, submit to one
another out of reverence for Christ." (Ephesians 5:21NLT)
There it is in black and white. The
words that many women have come to detest and so many people think of
in the most negative of ways. But the Bible says it. And the Bible is
God's word. God is light. There is NO DARKNESS in Him. 1 John 1:5-7
outline God's light and how we can live in his light. So if
submission is from God and God is good all the time and God is only
light- no darkness- why does submission seem like such a bad thing?
That is a simple and complicated answer
all at the same time. The simple answer? We have peopled it up. We
swooped in and did what we always do as humans. We made it too
peopley and now nobody likes it.
The more complicated answer? Submission
is a tough thing to do. Notice that verse doesn't call women to
submit to their husbands alone? That's because we are to submit to
each other. Both parties. Equal submission. And why? Because we are
doing it out of respect and honor for Jesus. It reminds me of that
old adage, "anything worth doing..."
Let's dig deeper into the separate
parts of this whole submission idea together this morning. We'll look
at the wife's verses first since they come first and all that "ladies
first" jazz:
"Wives, understand and support
your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband
provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church,
not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits
to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise
submit to their husbands." (5:22-24MSG)
Please note that the wife verses are
only three verses. We get three verses to explain to us what is
expected of us in our marriage regarding submission. Just as Jesus is
the head of the church, so our husbands are the head of our houses.
Remember how Jesus lead on earth though. He didn't walk around all
high and mighty acting like he owned the place- even though he did.
He came and served. He shared God's love wherever he went with
whoever he encountered regardless of social expectations. And whether
or not we have husbands that model Jesus well, we are called to honor
them the same way that we would honor Jesus.
That means supporting him when he needs
it, which is always. It means listening when he wants to talk about a
bad day or a tricky encounter. It means respecting his wishes when he
asks you not to spend money this week or wants to go on a hike with
the kids or he says we can't go out to dinner this time or any number
of other things that may come up that aren't particularly exciting to
you. It means being ON HIS TEAM when you're disciplining a kid and
NOT jumping to your child's side immediately (I am not referring to
any sort of child abuse here, only a normal and healthy
relationship). We allow "divide and conquer" to take over
our households much too often. We jump on the "my kids are my
world" and "I'll do anything for my kids!!" bandwagon
too easily. I hate to say this, moms, but your kids should not be
number one. They are not here to be your new bff. God has given them
to you and your husband to raise into Godly world changers. You can't
be best friends with your child while you are raising them. Be best
friends with your husband, with the man God gave you to do this life
with. Put him in the number one spot behind God. Not your kids. The
best thing you can do for your kids is to take care of your marriage.
Honor the husband you have. Be best friends with him. Be a united
team that cannot be divided.
Before we get all up in arms- or maybe
you're already mad at me for telling you that little Suzie isn't
supposed to be your bff right now. It's okay, I get it. I look
forward to the day that Lily can be my best friend. But she is in
elementary school. That day has not come yet. In fact, I suspect we
must go through the "I hate you" phase of life before she
comes back around and wants to be near me again. But I digress.
These are the husband's verses:
"Husbands, go all out in your love
for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked
by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His
words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to
bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk,
radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their
wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re
already “one” in marriage.
No one abuses his own body, does he?
No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the
church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves
father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become
“one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to
understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats
the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is
to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is
to honor her husband." (5:25-33)
NINE VERSES, people! The husbands get
nine verses telling them how to be good husbands? Is that because
they need more words to understand? No! They get the triple the
verses because they have far more responsibility as the head of the
house. When my husband stands before God on his day of judment, he
will be asked about the things he allowed to happen in his household.
He was placed as the leader here. It is ultimately his responsibility
to make sure that we are going in the right direction. That's a lot
of pressure!
But notice how his verses start? He
isn't given any sort of "honey do" list. He is first and
foremost called to love his wife well. Just as Paul called us to
imitate God in verse 5:1 by exercising extravagant love, he is
calling husbands to extravagant love here in verse 25. But how?
Go back to verses 5:18-20:
"Don’t drink too much wine. That
cheapens your life. Drink the Spirit of God, huge draughts of him.
Sing hymns instead of drinking songs! Sing songs from your heart to
Christ. Sing praises over everything, any excuse for a song to God
the Father in the name of our Master, Jesus Christ."
In order to explain how to love well,
Paul paints us a word picture. Most of us have at least seen a drunk
person in our lifetime. They are always on TV at least. What do you
imagine when you think of someone who is drunk? A drunk person is
overcome by alcohol. They alcohol coursing through their veins has
total control over what they do. They stagger about the room.
Sometimes they throw up. They are almost always loud and overly
honest. And while Paul isn't calling us to act drunk with wine, he IS
calling us to act drunk with GOD. If we are filled with God, then we
are allowing HIM to control us and our actions just as wine overtakes
us when we drink too much of it. Stay close to God. Pray constantly,
sing to him, worship him, thank him for everything in your life.
Putting God first each and every day makes teamwork in marriage that
much more manageable. If you are making decisions based on God's
plans for your life rather than your own selfish desires, marriage is
honestly easier.
Let's look back at those husband verses
again knowing that we must all be filled with God's spirit going into
marriage and that we are to put God first:
"Husbands, go all out in your love
for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked
by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His
words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to
bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk,
radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their
wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re
already “one” in marriage.
No one abuses his own body, does he?
No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the
church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves
father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become
“one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to
understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats
the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is
to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is
to honor her husband." (5:25-33)
Husbands, you want the best sort of
marriage? You want more from your wife? Start by pouring love into
her. Give all of yourself to her. Help out around the house because
you know it needs done and you're a team. Get the kids ready for bed
without being asked. Do some of the event drop-offs. Load and unload
the dishwasher. Do laundry. Sweep the floors. Serve her. Do it
without expectation. Do it because God wants you to love your wife
well, not because maybe you'll get a little something tonight. I
promise you that when you do that, when you serve her because it's
what Jesus asked, she will notice. She will appreciate you all the
more. You are filling her up by doing that. You are taking away some
of the burden that she carries because you are helping and she can
lean on you and know that you won't crumble beneath her.
I know that you are tired when you get
home from work. I know that you've had a long day and too many social
interactions and there were too many people pulling you in too many
directions. You aren't alone. She did too. All the same things
happened in her day with different people. Rather than making it a
competition about who deserves more down time, work as a team and get
everything done together. Relax together. Listen to each other come
down from the day. Encourage each other to do the right things and to
spend time with Jesus.
Marriage is hard work. I wonder if I've
even done these verses justice with this post. But these are things
on my heart today as I read these verses. Choose to love your spouse.
Love is an action. Actively love one another. Choose to do it every
single day, even when it's tough or one of you really sucks. It's
worth it. I promise.
*If you are in an abusive relationship
or your spouse struggles with substance abuse of any sort, please
seek help. You are worth it. Jesus loves you and wants you to be
safe.*
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