There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the
contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit! –Romans 5:3-5
I watched one of Mark Gungor’s Singles DVDs last week with Shaun. In it, Mark talks about the story of investment in Matthew 25. Specifically, it’s in verses 14 through 30. Actually, it would be good if you went there and read it quickly. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew%2025&version=MSG
It took a few days, but I got something big from that passage. In essence, the first two men took what they were given and gave their all to it. They invested it, they worked with it, and they did their best. And in the end, they were rewarded for it. The master doubled what he’d given each of them to start. But the last man was too scared to do anything with what he was given. He didn’t want to get into trouble, so he buried it and ignored it. HIS share was divided amongst the first two men for his reward.
So how does this relate to me? This is the part I haven’t shared yet. You see, when I was watching
that DVD with Shaun, I was actually crying and only half-listening as I cried my heart out over the loss of Gwen. Again. I actually went so far as to tell Shaun how much I longed for another
daughter, a sister for Lily.
Days later, it hit me. Recently, I have been more like servant #3 than #1 or #2. Instead of investing in what I already have with my entire being, I’ve been holding back and only giving them an okay performance. No, I don’t have the fifth child I want so much. BUT, I also haven’t given God any good reason to trust me with more (seriously, you should stop by unexpected sometime, it’s a mess around here 99% of the time!).
Sure, my kids are cared for and I love them more than I could ever begin to describe in this post. They are dressed every day, they are fed regularly, they get plenty of hugs and kisses, and I even homeschool the oldest three. I would do anything for them, believe me. But I’ve been holding back that part of me that longs for another baby and that’s not okay. I am expending energy on a
child that I don’t even have! My kids, my husband, and my house deserve to be
first (well, behind God of course!).
I need to learn to appreciate what I have now. Right now, I have a family of 6. One day, God willing, I will have a family of 7, 8, 9, whatever He chooses. At that point, we will never be a family of 6 again. Until then, it is vital that I “develop passionate patience” and enjoy
the here and now. After all, I cannot change my yesterdays and I have no control over my tomorrows, I can only enjoy each today that God gives me. And the same is true for you.