"If you are wise and
understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing
good works with the humility that comes from wisdom." (James
3:13)
I have wanted to be a writer
for as long as I can remember. I always pictured it in one particular
way. I'd write a best seller like JK Rowling or Ursula Vernon. Kids
everywhere would be dying to get their hands on my books. Because I'd
be this great story teller. But there's a problem. No one is beating
down my door to hear my stories. Literary agents don't read my
samples and then jump on their computers to email me back, let alone
set up a phone interview to become my representative. And there's
probably a reason. While I have been pursuing this dream for quite
awhile, I can't say that I've been doing it God's way. I've been
writing my own stories instead of telling God's. Honestly, there have
been times that I've struggled with some of the things in these exact
verses (though I didn't realize it at the time and I shutter to think
of the negative words James uses here):
"But if you are
bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t
cover up the truth with boasting and lying. For jealousy and
selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly,
unspiritual, and demonic. For wherever there is jealousy and selfish
ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind."
(James 3:14-16)
Recently, I've taken a step
back and asked God what he wants me to say and do. I feel like he
placed this dream on my heart for a reason and I want to follow it. I
just don't know how exactly. The conversation is something like this:
"I want to write,"
I tell him over and over again.
"What do you want to
write?" I can feel him asking.
"Well...I don't really
know exactly. Something interesting. Something people will want to
read. Something about you," I answer without a real answer.
"Like what?" he
asks again gently.
"..."
"While you're thinking
about it, I have some things for you to read," he says.
We've been building to this
moment for awhile, God and me. I've tried writing my own way on my
own time and it hasn't worked. So while I try to figure out where God
is leading me, I read what I feel like he's telling me to read.
First, he led me to Holley Gerth's book, "You're Already
Amazing" via my mom. In that book, I learned that I have
strengths and skills that God has given me with the intention that I
use them for Him. I am honest. Sometimes overly so. And Jesus made
me that way. Interesting, right?
Next I read through Charles
Swindoll's book about Paul called "Paul: A Man of Grace and
Grit." Initially, I started reading that book because I wanted
to know more about Paul for the devotions I was working on about
Galatians- you know, the first book of the Bible I felt like God
wanted me to study here on this blog. In that book, I learned that
Paul was called to the desert to spend time alone with God for quite
awhile. In that time, God was molding and shaping Paul to be who he
needed to be in order to really impact people for eternity. And while
I'd hardly call this summer home with my sweet babies a desert, it is
absolutely, unequivocally a transition period for me.
In this transition, I'm also
studying the Eeyore of the Bible- Ecclesiastes. I'm using Courtney
Joseph's study and learning a lot about enjoying the moments we're in
and serving God through what we are doing in our everyday lives. I'm
only about halfway through that, but there have been invaluable
lessons along the way as I study alongside (goodness, I just checked,
haha) 26 of my closest friends. ;)
I'm also reading through
another of Holley Gerth's books called "You're Made for a
God-Sized Dream" because, you know, I feel like God has called
me to this writing life. And do you know what I read there? We go
through transitions (like this one!!) where we will develop our
relationship with God to a higher level and learn more about what God
wants us to do with our lives. He isn't going to call us to a dream
and then toss us into the deep end, which is what it would be if he'd
made any of these posts go viral or one of my handful of finished
stories popular. No, instead, he is going to give me the opportunity
to say yes to and work on smaller projects like the manager did in
Matthew with the three servants to whom he gave various amounts of
talents (a currency back then, just ironic now). You can read the
whole thing in Matthew 25:14-30 if you're interested but the basic
gist of it is that each servant was given talents to grow. In the
end, the manager gives more to those who did well. I want to be the
one that does well with the talents I've been given.
So this summer, these verses
are my ultimate goal:
"But the wisdom from
above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all
times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the
fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.
And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a
harvest of righteousness." (James 3:17-18)
In this period of transition
from homeschooling mom to "just mom," I am seeking God's
wisdom for my life. I want to be the person that He is calling me to
be and no one else. I am listening to his voice and moving along as I
hear him speak- hence this blog. I pray that through my writing
somehow, God uses me to "plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest
of righteousness." And I pray the same for you. May God reveal
his wisdom from above in each of our lives.
I know this particular post
has been a little...okay, entirely me-centered. I feel like the time
is now to be sharing where I am in my journey in order to help
someone else out there. I think the best way that we can approach
this whole "applying wisdom" goal is to stop focusing on
our own wisdom and start taking a moment to pray for the "wisdom
from above" that James talks about in James 3:17.
Because while we have this
very limited view of the big puzzle that we are all a part of, God
can see the whole huge picture. He knows where each piece is supposed
to go and can gently guide us there if only we allow him to do it.
Otherwise, we are just going to sit on the table waiting forever to
be used in the bigger picture. God isn't pushy. He isn't going to
force anyone to go anywhere or do anything that they don't want to
do. He isn't going to make us have a relationship with him. He gave
us the ability to choose.
So what are you going to
choose today? Are you going to stop what you're doing and talk to
Jesus about his plan for your life or are you going to keep pushing
on in your own way?
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