The Season of Pancakes, Superheroes, and Summer Reading Ecclesiastes 3

"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven." - Ecclesiastes 3:1

I was talking to Jesus this morning about what I should write for this blog. If I'm honest, and I'm doing my best to be honest here on this blog, I often wonder how many people are actually getting anything out of these words. Is what I'm doing making any sort of a difference? And then I remember. I hear the whisper in my ear that this isn't about me really. It's about glorifying God by doing what he has called me to do. And right now, I'm in a season of Summer Mothering.

You know what Summer Mothering is if you've been a mom for even a minute. Summer Mothering is all about keeping everyone alive. We are at the end of this particular season and I've already broken up a death threat (here is where I wish I knew how to cross out writing because I want you to see those words but I want to replace them with something else too)- make that a Nerf battle threat between the sixteen year old who is bored and the seven year old who is just tired deep into his bones. He hasn't had his daily dose of chocolate and sugar yet. It works much the same way as coffee does for us adult-like people. I'm thinking about getting him a chocolate IV...(I'm kidding, or am I? *insert steriotypical evil laughter here*) Look, don't judge. He's the fourth child. If he had been the first child, he would have only been introduced to organic chocolate that is dairy free and perfect. But he's the fourth. And fourth children get away with more things. Ask my oldest son.

At the beginning of the summer, I had plans people. We were going to read. We were going to complete the 85,000 activities that it would take to earn free ice cream from the library (not that the library gives the ice cream, just the coupon). We were going to go places and have play dates. Ahem, for teenage boys this name no longer applies though they do much the same thing at these "manly gatherings" as they did when they were 12 and "play dates" was still okay. They play video games and shoot each other with Nerf guns and eat all the good food (see, the definition of junk food for this one) and annoy the siblings, because why not?

What we have really done looks nothing like that. We have gone on vacation. That is the extent of our summer travels. One week. Every single other day has pretty much been here at home. We are watching tv, playing video games and board games, and doing the occasional chore. What are these books I referred to in the upper paragraph? Where did the summer reading paperwork go? How do I have late fees to the library right now when we barely read a thing?! And how do we have only four weeks left of summer vacation? Can I also add an equally important question here? How do we still have four weeks left of summer vacation??

Because that is how I feel. I am torn about this season of Summer Mothering. Part of me is so happy to have all of my cherubs under one roof. All. The. Time. Except for work times for the oldest and swimming time for the second son because he is lucky and has a friend with a pool and so his summer is all "I'm swimming!" and "I'm playing baseball!" and "Let's see how far we can launch a potato in a potato gun! Bonus points if you hit the old dryer right inside the door!"

And that is also how I feel. I am a total scatterbrain that cannot stay on topic if my life depends on it. How did I go from talking about being torn about the loveliness of having kids home to potato guns? It's a mystery...but anyway. I also am so ready for them to go to school. I am ready for them to fill their brains and their time with new information and new friends and new teachers and new books. I am ready for this house to be silent for a few hours.

If you know me at all in real life, you know that I am not especially optimistic. I am more of an Eeyore, a pessimist. But I have this teeny weeny little part of my brain that is optimistic. And in that part, I foresee myself getting the house cleaned, making amazing dinners and fancy treats, and having tons of time to just read my Bible. But I am pretty sure that is outside the realm of reality.

At this point, I have wandered so far from my original point, that I don't know if I can get this train back on the rails. So let's end with some questions.

What season are you in right now?

What is fun about this season?

What do you wish you could leave out of this season?

Is there a season coming that you're excited for?

Is anyone else in this season of Summer Mothering? I'll pray for you. ;) Because this season is one of the hardest I've been in so far. And I know it's going to repeat itself. The funny thing is, I also know that when it approaches again, I'll be excited about it again. Because Jesus was good to me when he made me. He gave me this amazing ability to forget things- a skill I don't fully appreciate when I fail to return the books to the library or use that amazing coupon at the grocery store.

If you're still reading, and come on, I'm not really sure why you would be since this post is so off the wall and all over the place, I urge you to enjoy the season you are in. Embrace it. Squeeze in a few more play dates (Manly Get Togethers) and have fun where you are. Don't focus on what happened earlier in the season and don't be gazing too longingly at the future- trust me, the kids notice that and they don't find it cute. Be fully present where you are. God is with us and he will get us through. He promised it in the Bible. And I believe him.

Have a blessed day today and don't forget to be a blessing too!

February 24th

For everything there is a season,a time for every activity under heaven. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. -Ecclesiastes 3:1,4


This past Friday was Gwen's due date. Now the problem with that particular date is that it is not only her due date, but also the due date of the baby I lost a few years ago AND my nine-year-old son's birthday as well! So for his sake, I chose to ignore the giant elephant in the room and carry on with our day, focusing instead on something I thought would be easily attainable. A bracelet.

In fact, I obsessed over that bracelet to the point that when I wasn't able to find it at the store on Saturday afternoon (after continuing to ignore the elephant who insisted on following me around to dinner Friday night and then to my son's birthday party on Saturday morning), I broke down in tears. Now several other things happened to fuel the fire, but in the end I needed to acknowledge my feelings about that date.

February 24th will forever be a bittersweet day for me. On the one hand, it is a very special day to celebrate the miracle that is my second son. And he is absolutely fantastic! But on the other hand, it is also a day that I will always remember as the due date for 2 of my other children who never made it into the world.

I've been told that I should just move on already, that these deaths are in the past and that I need to focus on the present and the miracles that I have right here. And that sounds great. It truly does. But I can't just ignore my God-given feelings on this! The fact is that no matter what, I am sad for the babies that I will never meet this side of heaven. Yes, they are perfect in every way now and enjoying our Father's arms in heaven, but I still wish I could have met them, held them, loved on them!

There are many days where I feel okay and know that I will make it through this with God's help and love. And then there are all the others. There are also many days when I think it would be awesome if God would give us another baby and then there are the ones when I just don't want to open myself up to the possibility of this pain again.

I don't have any wise words (beyond the verse above) or pretty, gift-wrapped way to tie up this post. This is just what is on my heart today and I pray that it is helpful in some way to someone out there. Have a blessed day today!